Candy Cranks

On the weekend I travelled down to Thredbo, NSW to watch my partner race at the Red Ass 4X and Dual Slalom State Series. After watching a u-tube video of a dual slalom race in the States, I borrowed some pads and a full face helmet and decided to join in the race. I chickened out at the 4X, but by the time  the dual slalom came around I had found enough psyche and lost enough insecurities to enter. I had such a blast.  Anyways, here is a little rhyme about my experience…

Donning a suit of borrowed armour

I try to breathe, but don’t get any calmer

Remember folks, I’m not exactly Shaun Palmer

He’s as fast a cheater – I’m more like a llama.

But who said Dual Slalom was just about winning

Collecting trophies until your pool room is blinging

Lapping up applause until it leaves your ears ringing

Nah, fuck that, there’s another tune I’d rather be singing:

“Girls just want to have fun

Oh, girls just want to have fun”

I am doing well for the first two heats,

Even though I’m not racing the other elites.

“What’s that? I’m first over the line? Sweeet”

Pity it’s not something I’m able to repeat.

Still, it’s cause for me to rise to my feet,

And sing,

“Girls just want to have fun

Oh, girls just want to have fun”

Next up on the gate is a young wipper-snapper

The fact that he’s 13 years old doesn’t matter

He races out of that gate like some sort of mad-hatter

I slip off the pedals, which doesn’t make matters better

Loosing to a young punk is hardly a source of pleasure,

But when the chips get you down, you’ve just got to remember

“Girls just want to have fun

Oh, girls just want to have fun”

Sharing the gate with Vanessa, I’ll admit I was scared

There’s no point sizing us up – I don’t even compare

There is one hell of a rider under that mane of blond hair

Any victory she scores, is hers fair and square.

I was kind of close behind her for the first bit of the track,

But for the rest of the way I just admired her back,

You’ve got to get good at defence, when you fail at attack.

Although, I did lay down some corners, and avert some stacks

And I don’t come off too bad when you play the race back.

It’s just a bit of speed and coordination I lack.

But to anyone who says dual slalom has no room for the hacks,

I’ll clear my throat, and sing back

“Girls just want to have fun

Oh, oh, girls just want to have fun”

That’s me on the right…